A Grieving Heart**

Posted in Encouragement, Family, Finding Faith, Musings tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:42 pm by The Water Bearer

Until the passing of my Dad from cancer a couple of years ago I had not previously suffered the loss of anyone who was extremely close to my heart. It was such a shock to my inner spirit, even though I consciously knew it was coming, I had no idea how I would handle the grief of such a loss.

He was the most spiritually-powerful person in my life who would fervently pray for me when I was too deep in my own weakness to pray for myself, which of course was when I needed it the most. He was my mentor, my confidant and my friend and the hole he left in my life is proving to be extremely hard to fill.

I guess I am lucky in the sense that he helped me to build such intensely strong beliefs, and somewhat of an understanding of the spiritual realm, I truly believe to my core that I will be with him for eternity when I too leave this physical realm. He has left reverberations throughout my spirit so that I can hear his voice from time to time, sometimes I dream vivid dreams where I am spending time with him, it’s almost like I get a nights holiday to visit him in that place where time and gravity does not exist. Sometimes I get a sign specifically relating to him and a memory which I believe he wants me to remember and to apply to a current situation, a bit like advice from beyond.

Yet I miss him dearly, it is strange that life just goes on without someone. I remember that first day when I woke up without feeling the weight of his death on my chest, when it wasn’t the first thing to float into my conscious mind from the distant sleep I was emerging from, it was scary, like I was forgetting that he was gone, and thinking he was just at his house waiting for me to visit. Then something would happen, I would hear a song, or see a picture, perhaps find a piece of paper with his unique handwriting on it, and it would hit me all over again like a punch to my stomach and a tear to my eye. He is really gone!

Recently I had a friend share with me her pain and confusion at the loss of her own father, quite simply the anger she feels at how unfair it was for him to be taken from her and in a way she could not fathom he deserved. It is so hard for our carnal human minds to comprehend all that is going on in the universe. I have had many experiences and interactions with the spiritual realm and yet my mind still has trouble grasping for the tangible reality of it. I feel a sense of duty to try and bring my friend some comfort and perhaps perspective in the midst of her pain. I am praying about it as I write this, asking for the Lord to give me the words to explain why these things are part of a plan we cannot yet see the final design of.

I believe this place is merely a stage for us to perform a role upon; a place to act out all mannerisms of human nature to develop our character and qualify for the position we will take up permanently in the next place. A temporary stepping stone in the midst of a more permanent yet spiritual world. If you can imagine a sphere similar to earth’s atmosphere, and picture it as a parallel universe where all the mysteries of life are no longer hidden from our human sight or understanding. Then take a paper thin layer and place it around the sphere, this layer represents the physical realm. It is connected to, but also separate from the spiritual realm. The physical realm is only a tiny element of the universe in its entirety, full of limitations yet vital to our personal journey. If you lay eternity out in a timeline form with no beginning and no end, imagine how tiny the blip of a human lifetime would be! A mere 70-80 years more or less is nothing compared to the infinite existence of the spiritual platform. So why does it feel like it goes on forever and then ends abruptly and somewhat finitely? As we grow older, we usually grow more distant and cynical in connection to the spiritual realm. This place is all we can see and touch,it can harden our minds and can prevent openness to unknown things. There are a chosen few who have a heightened sensitivity to all things spiritual, a bit like having a few extra radio stations than is widely available. (I believe this metaphor gives a basic way to shed some light on people such as psychics, mediums, paranormal investigators etc.) It is just as common as someone with an extra special gift for mathematical equations, science, or perhaps medicine, an extra level of awareness in a particular field is all.

We are not meant to stay here, this life is hard, full of aging disabilities, poor health, worries, disappointments, heartaches and unmet expectations. The sooner we are taken to the next place the sooner we must be needed in our next and permanent role. The butterfly effect from any life-force here is evident to some more than others; that those touched by a life, no matter how long or short that life may be, are caught up the universes unfolding design. The feelings and experiences brought about by connection to a life or the loss of it are essential to the development of the people they connected with.

Of course there are many, many wonderful and joyful things to experience here as well, I am not a pessimist by any means, I believe there are elements of both heaven and hell on earth to help us discern the path we choose and give us a taste of what is to come. We are not meant to understand everything yet, that is why it is called faith. Faith – meaning trust, confidence, and reliance.

WOW! Praise the LORD! As I sit editing this, I’m hoping it will be easy to follow and comprehend, hoping it will help, suddenly a Christian lady whom I work with walks in and hands me a book. She has no idea of what I am writing about, yet I sense the spirit world using her to give me the nudge I need to trust my words.

The book is a true story titled – “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent …… Here is a link to see an interview with Colton Burpo now 11years old –   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhT36Dizo2s&feature=related  

The back cover reads:
“Do you remember the hospital Colton?” Sonja said. “Yes, Mommy, I remember,” He said “That’s where the angels sang to me.”
When Colton Burpo made it through an emergency appendectomy, his family was overjoyed at his miraculous survival. What they weren’t expecting, though, was the story that emerged in the months that followed – a story as beautiful as it was extraordinary, detailing their little boy’s trip to heaven and back.
Colton, not yet four years old, told his parents he left his body during the surgery – and authenticated that claim by describing exactly what his parents were doing in another part of the hospital while he was being operated on. He talked of visiting heaven and relayed stories told to him by people he met there whom he had never met in life, sharing events that happened even before he was born. He also astonished his parents with descriptions and obscure details about heaven that matched the Bible exactly, though he had not yet learned to read.
With disarming innocence and the plainspoken boldness of a child, Colton tells of meeting long-departed family members. He describes Jesus, the angels, how ‘really, really big‘ God is, and how much God loves us. Retold by his father, but using Colton’s uniquely simple words, Heaven is for Real offers a glimpse of the world that awaits us, where as Colton says, “Nobody is old and nobody wears glasses.”
Heaven is for real will forever change the way you think of eternity, offering the chance to see, and believe, like a child.
“A beautifully written glimpse into heaven that will encourage those who doubt and thrill those who believe.” – Ron Hall, co-author of Same kind of difference as me.

I have not yet read this book, however what I have shared here gave me chills over my entire body as I read it. I thanked my work friend with a hug and a tear in my eye, I’m not sure if she knows how much I appreciate that she was used by angels to confirm to me all that I have written here. I feel I had no choice but to tack it onto the bottom of this blog, and I can’t wait to get reading this book!


  1. Anon said,



  2. Anon said,

    I would really love to believe in life after death honestly…I cried while reading this post. I guess I´m just too angry to believe in anything. Sometimes I think there´s noone who understands how I feel. I just miss my Dad so much and find it so difficult to accept that he has gone. One day after work dad´s friend called me to let me now that he was in hospital, they had discovered that he had cancer but they weren´t sure where it was located, my husabnd and I quickly caught the first plane over to switzerland and gave my Dad the surprise of seeing us there by his side. It was all so quick, the doctors said there was nothing they could do for him as it was spreading quickly..10 days later he died. My son (he´s 4) hasn´t been told yet about his Grandad´s passing one day he started screaming excitedly that he had seen his Grandad he wanted to open the car door and run towards him. My husband and I were totally astonished as we were looking to see who he had seen but there was NO ONE there.No ONE. No one who he could´ve confused his Grandad with. I asked him what he was wearing and what his Grandad was doing and he said he was smiling at him and waving. Suddenly my daughter, who does know that her Grandad has died, said “Grandad is in switzerland it couldn´t have been him.” He now doesn´t want to talk about it. He says that it couldn´t have been him cause Grandad lived in switzerland but I believe he saw something.


    • Thanks you so much for sharing your story honestly here. My situation with my Dad’s passing is very similar to yours in that he was not diagnosed until it was too late and he passed within 3 weeks of his cancer diagnosis. However, I am glad that he didn’t suffer for long, and managed to keep his faculties and his dignity up until the end, whereas many spend their last days, months and even years humiliated, confused and lonely. I am also glad for you that you got to be with him in those end days as it is important to have expressed your love for him before he went to the next place.
      I understand why you are angry and why it is hard to believe in all I have tried to explain in my blog, unfortunately holding onto bitterness won’t bring you closer to believing. I know this personally as I have my own bitterness surrounding my father’s passing, but for different reasons to you. I must find a way to let go and move past the bitterness into peaceful acceptance or it will come at a great cost to my character and maybe even my faith, as bitterness is like a poison that eats away at our devotion to the righteous ways of God.
      Be assured that your own experiences will guide you to conviction in what you believe, try to talk to your son tho, I believe with all my heart that it is important for children to deal with death to help them realise it is part of life and help them accept these types of things to develop their character. The earlier they deal with it in a healthy way the better they will cope as adults with all the grief that comes in life. I encouraged my youngest daughter to help me write a letter to her Grandad when he passed. She also drew pictures of things she remembered doing with him. It has helped her tremendously. She still writes him a letter every now and then. It helps her accept her feelings about it all.
      I feel the urge in my heart to pray about this now….
      Dear Father God, You have given us a world full of mystery which we often have trouble accepting. The bitterness we feel when confusion and heartache reigns is damaging to our character. I ask for your guidance to find ways for us to remove the bitter poison within, and for us to be patient enough to wait for your answers to come in your timing. Reveal your truth to those who ask for it, so that conviction can bring comfort. Thank you for your wisdom in times of our weakness and doubt. In the powerful name of your son Yeshua (Jesus), we pray! Amen!


  3. What an amazing post! God is so good. I’ve heard so much about the book. I know it’s going to bless you!


    • Thank you for Visiting!! 🙂 I am glad you enjoyed my blog, your encouragement is wonderful. The book was a true blessing. I read it in 2 days!! My youngest daughter found great joy from hearing all about a child’s perspective of heaven too. I definitely recommend it!


  4. Talei said,

    Do you know you literally take my breath away sometimes with the passion I can feel from your words. It may be that you and I know each other so well and so know so much about the other that sometimes we communicate deeper because we are able to “read between the lines” as they say. Well whatever it is I like how it works it helps me fully understand everything your trying to express xoxo love you lovely lady.
    you know i am having one of those days today and dont really feel like talking to someone but out of the blue i get your email saying here is the link to follow my blog.. just right wen i needed something xo


    • Tears* Honey, even if I wrote this blog just for you it would be worth it for that reason. Although I do hope so many others like us find this when they need it most. 😥


  5. What a lovely post ~ and I love that you included Colton’s book…I read it and it gave me such peace. Thanks. xo


    • Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a kind compliment. Colton’s book was such a blessing to me too. 🙂 Blessings to you!


  6. Reblogged this on Inner Angels & Enemies and commented:

    In memory of my Dear Dad…. It has been 4 years this week since Dad went to the next place. Until we meet again. Much Love. xoxo P.s. The book was wonderful! Blessings to all!


    • May the love and comfort of our Lord surround you as you rest in His loving arms. I am sorry. My mom passed away earlier this year, so I’m missing her. It’s so different than I thought it would be (grieving). The Lord truly is close to the broken-hearted. Feeling His nearness brings joy in the midst of pain, and knowing the truth of our reunion with our parents in Christ brings hope that overflows!

      I just read Heaven is For Real this year (a few months ago I picked it up in the airport to read on a flight). Amazing how The Lord will bring and use that book to encourage those who have lost someone close to them. It is such a wonderful story!

      Sorry, I wrote a mini-post here 🙂


      • I welcome posts in comments lol…. Thank you so much for reading this lengthy post. And also for your prayers of comfort. I have learned so much about myself since the loss of my Dad and can’t wait to share it all with him when we meet again. Sorry to hear of your loss, I pray God holds you tightly as you go through the phases of grief. And that they teach you many things God hopes to teach you as He did for me. Blessings to you!


  7. optimisticgladness said,

    Beautiful, heartfelt post. I’m so sorry about your dad. My view of death is this: When a mother is pregnant, she knows what to expect. She’s read about what happens, she’s talked to other mom’s about the birthing process, so there is an excitement, an anticipation about seeing this new soul. However, when a person is nearing death, his body goes through contractions, like birthing pains. Organs shutting down, extreme pain, warning flags. Only now we don’t have anyone to talk to about what is on the other side of this earthly “Birth Canal”. We just know what we read in God’s word. We don’t really know what to expect. Faithfully, we hope that when our earth suit breaks open to reveal our true selves, our soul, we will be delivered through the spiritual birth canal into the glorious life on the other side. Once we get there, we’ll say, “I knew it!!! Just a theory. You will see your dad again. He is waiting for the right time for you to be birthed into heaven. Hugs.


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