03/08/2012

I have to put her in God’s hands

Posted in Encouragement, Family, General, Musings, Self-Awareness, Teen Trials tagged , , , , , , , , at 8:17 am by The Water Bearer

My little miracle baby is today well on her way to her ‘own’ life. Yesterday she passed her learner’s test and can now legally sit behind the wheel of the car (Metaphoric in itself). She acquired a part-time job on the same day and completed her Tax File Number Application (almost) completely unsupervised.

Is that IT now?

How much more can I do within the ‘Motherly’ role I have held for over 16 years? I know nothing else! There has never been a time in my adult life where I was not responsible for her.

She can earn her own money now, she can drive a car. She has grown-up, and I feel like I watched it all with the fast-forward button jammed stuck!

I miss the expression on her tiny face when she looked to me for the simplest request. “My shoelaces are knotty Mummy, I can’t open them”. She would appear in the doorway of my bedroom with her hair sticking out like a birds nest saying “Look Mummy, I did my hair for school all by myself”, she was always the most placid, happy kid, she made parenting look easy. She doesn’t need to look to me for day to day comforts, these days she looks to her Ipod or mobile phone. Once upon a time a cuddle from Mum could soothe away any savage, frightening beast, now she leans into the arms of her boyfriend, much to my discomfort at the reminder of a loosening grip.

Every now and then she emerges from her bedroom with her shirt buttons out of whack. I think she does it on purpose to make me feel useful.

I understand that my influence and control over her life has changed forever, now I need to clamber into an unfamiliar role. I am not sure if I ever got used to the first role, but now that it is slipping from my grasp I want desperately to cling on for little while longer.

I remember being 17 yrs old and saying to my Mother..”You had 17 yrs to teach me how to be what you wanted, 17 years to make my decisions for me…now your time is up! You can’t keep trying to control my life just because you don’t trust that you did a good enough job of teaching me how to control it myself.” That was my defensive way of dealing with her when she didn’t agree with my life choices.

I thought I knew how to make choices I could happily live with, I lived with them regardless. I let my split family drive me to believe I could be happy if I started my own family at such a young age. God obviously had the same plan and I trusted Him, without even realising how profound that was at the time. I needed sound advice and support of my final decisions. This is how I aim to approach this new stage of motherhood (God Help Me!)

So as I step out of my comfort zone into this new phase, I need to remember the foundation of the parental principles which my Dad showed me. He would listen to my dilemma’s and give a variety of choices and explain the possible consequences, then he would say, I can’t tell you what to do, but I will support you no matter what you decide. For all the times I’m sure he cringed at my final decision he rarely showed it, He trusted God to guide our lives and was adamant that if we obey God and trust in Him completely, He can save not only our soul but the souls of our children and our grandchildren. He had obeyed GodΒ  in the face of every kind of rejection, and I trust His granddaughter into the hands of the Almighty. It is almost completely out of my hands. I must now guide her without the tactics that so easily, reactively spring to mind, without judgment and disapproval, without manipulative control, without guilt trips, without blackmail, without one-sided lectures. Now I need to listen, now I need to support. Now I need to be stable enough for her to know that no matter what life throws her way, I will be there to hold her hand and show her my love, regardless of which way she chooses to direct her life.

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12 Comments »

  1. Talei said,

    oh my god… i am bloody hysterical at the thought of our baby girl being so old she can know do all these things.. she was always independant and quietly sure of who she was and who she wanted to be, even as a baby (a tiny one at the that) she was like a clever little cherub running rings round us as we took turns trying to help ease the solitary burden that was yours raising a super intelligent hands on rascal alone.
    She is a special young lady and I have no doubt she is destined for greatness whichever path she may choose.
    I am going now as I am crying so hard I cant see that well to type. I am just so proud of her and love her to pieces. She knows this.. we have our special thing!!! xoxox

    Like

    • Awww (*Tears) She does love her Aunty Lei-Lei… Missing you, looking forward to Sept Hols. Thanks for your lovely comment. xxx

      Like

  2. muddledmom said,

    Ugh, the thought of anyone’s baby growing up makes me hurt. My son begins fourth grade in a few weeks and every year I dread this whole new year, this growing older business because I’m never quite done with the old year yet. Lovely post.

    Like

    • Yes that is so true! Time is a curse! Thanks for reading and for you kind comment. My 8yr old is gonna get smothered from now on!! πŸ˜‰

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  3. George Hayward said,

    Beautiful post! Best of luck to you. I hope your daughter reads this πŸ™‚

    Like

    • I tried to read it to her the morning I wrote it, I hope she could hear my words through all my sobbing! πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading, glad you liked it. Blessings to you..

      Like

  4. summer4soul said,

    Hello The Water Bearer,

    I have nominate you for an award : )
    You deserve it.

    Greetings, Summer

    Like

    • Hi Summer, Wow! Thank you so much for the honor and for your continued support. Blessings to you πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. Lovely post! Yes, you’ll be there to hold her hand later as well, trust me!

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    • Thanks for dropping by, and for your comment, Sounds like you are the voice of experience?!? Such a daunting time of transition isn’t it! p.s. I really liked your blog!

      Like

      • Yes, that’s my experience. Just today stayed on Skype w/ my 29 y.o. son for 2 hours to work with him on something important to him. But it is a trying time for a while. Then gets much better πŸ™‚
        ps. I like your blog too!

        Like

      • Thank you so much, Glad to hear you get along so well with your ‘grown-up’ son.. I appreciate your encouragement. πŸ™‚ Blessings to you!

        Like


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