Gaining Help from Above – Security*
Right back to my youngest memory, the theme of my life seemed to revolve around a panicked hunger for security. I was very fearful in my youth, I sucked my thumb until I was an adult, but I haven’t yet mentioned my security blanket. A pillowcase in fact.
There was no chance, no how, no way for me to go to sleep without it, EVER! Up until age 23, yes you read that right, 23! I was consumed by the feeling of the selvedge tickling the webbing between each finger as I sucked on my thumb, distracting me from my fears, feeling a wave of comfort wash over me as I held it over my head and let it lightly drift over my face, back and to. I will never forget how much I relied upon that simple piece of cloth, how it called out to me in moments of loneliness, boredom, sadness, fear and exhaustion. I swore to all who knew me that I would never give it up, that I wanted my pillowcase placed alongside me in my coffin. Even death felt less of a concern as long as I knew I had my beloved ‘Pillowcase’ to help me through.
You could say it would have to be some kind of miracle for me to become willing to let it go.
When my Dad taught me some of the many things about having faith and moving closer to God, he spoke a lot of fear. Not so much about fearing God or what punishment may come for sin, like I had heard so much of in church, but more of the irrational fears which our inner enemies use to handicap us throughout life and pollute our faith. He encouraged me to seek out God and put my trust in Him in all of my times of fear, to pray for comfort, to read scriptures reminding me of God’s strength and protective nature, of His abundant love.
One day I had been watching movies on her lounge, I had my pillowcase shoved under the cushion and played with it, letting it relax me as I watched. Later that night I was heading off to bed and couldn’t find it, I started to panic. I thought back through the day to when I had it last, and recalled the movie. I rushed into the lounge room only to find her other guest asleep on the couch. I tried to look under the cushion, which He was now resting his head on, but it wasn’t there. I assumed it must have moved somewhere underneath him and so, in the most juvenile fashion, I woke him up and told him he was lying on something of mine which I needed. He got up and I proceeded to turn the lounge upside down in search of my precious pillowcase! I know, I know, and to make matters worse it wasn’t even there! The look on his face was so humiliating, but I could not see myself past my outrageous irrational fear!
I ended up finding it in the wash basket along with the rest of the dirty washing, and got quite a stern talking to from my brother-in-law about how childish I was, and how rudely I had treated their guest. I defended myself in anger at his accusation. I was after all, a mother who had been looking after herself for 5 years, and I did not like what he was insinuating.
As I drifted off to sleep that night, pillowcase in hand, I felt some shameful conviction fill my heart and I knew this had to stop. The next day I apologised and confessed my fear, I told them all that I was going to put my security in God’s hands from then on, and I took my pillowcase and set it alight in front of everyone. I also gave up sucking my thumb that day as well.
“In peace will I both lay me down and sleep; For thou, Jehovah, alone makest me dwell in safety.” Psalms 4:8 (ASV)
This event made a huge impact on my faith, learning to put my safety in God’s hands rather than a silly pillowcase, took my faith to new levels. For the first time in my life I felt free from my irrational fears. Amen!
Making an effort to feel safe in God’s arms, in all our times of fear, is another step to gaining help from above. It shows God that you trust Him and therefore He can show you how faithful He is to keeping us safe and in combat of fear.
“Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security”. Jer 33:6 (ESV)
This is the 3rd post in the series ‘Gaining Help from Above’, which follows on from ‘Connection’, and ‘Accepting an Encounter’. If you are just stumbling upon this series, you may want to track back to the start. Here is the link to the next post in this series. I hope you are blessed by them.