25/01/2013

Healing the Insecurity

Posted in Encouragement, Family, Finding Faith, Musings, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , , at 8:53 am by The Water Bearer

I read this excellent post “Rejecting Rejection” recently and it was exactly what I needed to read. I have been working on my insecurities for well over a decade, from when I first began to let God have a hand in my life. It is not an easy thing to overcome, as the linked post explains, there are many facets to insecurity, such as shame, self-loathing, fear, anxiety, control issues; the list goes on. Even after many years of therapy I am still becoming aware of ways that my insecurities either hold me back from fulfilling my potential, or cause reactions that are not positive or healthy.

Lately I have become addicted to the website TED: Ideas worth spreading, and am intent on developing my ability to create, despite my insecurities. The talks shared on this site are one way to help me tackle this issue. Brené Brown has become somewhat of a mentor for me, as her research is some of the most incredibly accurate and insightful collection of perspectives I have ever come across. Due to the some 8 million hits her talks on TED have received, I know I am not the only one who can relate to her specific discoveries about connection, shame, vulnerability, and all the aspects of these things. Especially, how vulnerability is the birth place of creativity and innovation.

The post I have linked to at the beginning, mentions that “Rejected people, reject people” I can testify to the fact that rejected people become defensive people, as a direct result of their insecurities. We become so used to fighting for our right to exist and to be loved & accepted, that we form habits of guarded defensiveness. We are so used to shooting down those who we perceive are attacking us, that those close to us often get shot with friendly fire. I know that this is at the forefront of my issues with my own children and family members, not in obvious conscious or shocking ways, but in subtle, hard to recognise ways. I am getting better with each day that I stay aware, that I repair, that I pursue growth and change.

However, My biggest concern is that the damage may already be done.

What if, through my own defensive reactions of rejection, I have caused my children to also feel rejected? And if so, are they now destined to follow in my footsteps of insecurity and a life filled with shame, fear, anxiety and defensiveness? There has to be a way to break this cycle.

I must accept that this is possible, and if so, God has to be where I send them, I admit to them that I fall short, and so God needs to be their source of security, not me. I am flawed, I am damaged, I can not be all that they need me to be. I have promised them that I will always try to be there for them, even if I am broken. That, even when my reactions make them doubt it, I love them more than they could know. I apologise sincerely, each time I become aware of another possible rejection. I stay in therapy and stay honest, I pursue healing at every opportunity. I pray …a LOT!

The quote above goes on to say “Rejected people, reject people. Healed people, heal people.” So while I can accept that I am not quite there, I am not completely healed yet, I can not hit pause as a mother and hit play again when I am healed. I must keep working on myself and be a parent at the same time, and that is a scary thought for me. I often feel as if I am doing more damage than good. I imagine that thought would be enough to break even the strongest of people, let alone someone battling fear, anxiety and shame.

And then I remember Him…..

I realise that my Heavenly Father has my children in His loving arms, that I can only do my best and His might will cover the rest. That His design has brought me to this place, to who I am right now, and that His design put me in the role of their Mum. Perhaps as a driving force for me to desperately pursue His healing love.

I had a breakthrough in therapy this week, as usual it followed another recent breakdown. I will explain more about that in a future post, but for now, I like the concept of rejecting rejection… Another step on the journey towards healing…. And that is it, isn’t it! One step after the other. The pursuit of healing and destiny.

in-gods-arms-440x2001

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20 Comments »

  1. April K said,

    If I’ve learned anything about children, it’s that they’re incredibly resilient and forgiving. As long as you keep trying, maintain an open and honest line of communication, and apologize when needed, they should turn out just fine. Breaking cycles like this is incredibly difficult, but so worth it when you realize you’re giving your family generations of blessings to come as an inheritance. And like you said, they’re in God’s hands. And God’s healing power goes farther and deeper than any evil thing the world can invent.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much April! You have no idea how comforting your words are to me! I agree with your perspective on children entirely, and I know that God has brought about a new breakthrough for me in this area, which I will explain in more detail in a future post. Praise God that His healing and power goes deeper as you say. Amen indeed!

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  2. […] most informative and necessary posts I have ever come across, and is referred to in my recent post Healing the Insecurity. Please check it out! Blessings to […]

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  3. […] Healing the Insecurity […]

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  4. From one TED fan to another…..keep on going.

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    • Lol I’m not sure I could stop myself if I tried hahaha 😉 Thanks for stopping by. Blessings to you!

      Like

  5. […] theme of my concerns over recent weeks/months/years, has circled my role as a Mum. I have this tremendous fear that my […]

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  6. Simon Yap said,

    Reblogged this on His Grace Is Enough and commented:
    Thanking God there is a difference made!

    Like

  7. Todd Lohenry said,

    Have you read any of Brene’s books?

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  8. Todd Lohenry said,

    Reblogged this on Wholeheartedness and commented:
    And excellent post from The Water Bearer that I’d like to pass along. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • Thank you so much for sharing this post with your readers. What a blessing! You are a great encouragement to me.

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  9. coastalmom said,

    I love your blog. It is so honest. YOU give me courage to share more. I have a greeting card in my line. It says: Our friends are our best reflections ~~~ Then you open it up and it has a mirror inside with my own words… so I must be beautiful!
    I don’t think people get it. I have sold thousands of cards over the years but that one isn’t one of my top sellers and I find it puzzling. I felt it was kind of clever if I do say so myself. lol.
    I also fear the damage I have done to my children. It is funny. My daughter is so together in so many ways that I am not. So wise, like an old soul. And then I forget… hey she IS an adult. My son on the other hand is seven years older than her,. He has a wonderful and soft heart. But he is angry in many areas of his life. So set in his ways. Sometimes I wonder where they both came from! I guess maybe my son was my trial kid. Maybe seven years later, I was a better mother. Who knows. I wonder how much damage I did. I wonder if kids just come out how they are going to be.
    I like : Healed people heal people! Profound! Thank you for your words. Excellent. I shall return to read it again. I know.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Your so encouraging to me Diane, I appreciate it greatly.. 🙂
    I think your card is very clever, complimenting both at the same time. How lovely. 🙂 You make a good point about kids just being how they come out but I have seen too much evidence of messed up kids because of slack parenting. I saw a sign the other day (which I hope to add to a new post) that says “Behind every great kid is a Mum who thinks she is screwing it up!” I loved it immediately! My eldest is the old soul of our family, (she came out that way so you may have a point) she sets me straight more often than I have to sought her out lol. My youngest (by 7 years) is much more like me and I worry I project my own fears onto her too much. So glad I have faith to hand them into. Thank you so much for the wonderful connection we share, and for handling my vulnerability so delicately and with such comforting empathy. It blesses me so very much!

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  11. […] Healing the Insecurity. […]

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  12. Karen said,

    Thank you for sharing your trials, they mirror my own. Parenting is the biggest challenge and often motivator for healing. Our children have the privilege of a better path when we are honest about our weaknesses and imperfections; pointing them to the perfect parent in Christ!.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so very much, for dropping by and leaving that awesome comment! 🙂 I love the idea of Christ being the perfect parent. How simply wonderful! Blessings to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. coastalmom said,

    This was great! I also read that post about rejection and love your thoughts about it! I love when we connect on such a sweet level of raw sharing! Good Post!

    Like

  14. […] accident, and the psychological fall out from my nervous breakdown, God led me diligently through therapy and I began doing Pilates and Meditation exercises. After so many years trapped in dysfunctional […]

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