The Weight of Change*

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Musings, Self-Awareness, Teen Trials tagged , , , , , , , at 8:08 am by The Water Bearer


A lot is changing in my neck of the woods of late. Much of it I knew was coming in advance and it grew like storm clouds in the distance, looming and grey, with the possibility to bring either destruction or renewed freshness of life.

It has been a strange couple of months adjusting to each change as it tacked itself onto the growing cloud, and the upheaval of emotions brought with each new turn. Even though I am aware of the effect these changes are having on me, I have been trying my best to stay balanced. Trying to be aware of my sensitivity to the friction and fear that are close acquaintances of the unknown. Trying to hold myself in, keeping tight grip on the emotions that are brimming up inside me, but to be honest I have been failing much of the time.

As I read my older posts, I know I have had a true sense of peace at various points over recent months. Yet at the moment, the concept that I can get back there anytime soon is not tangible enough to calm me. I accept that so many changes are bound to cause unpleasant reactions to slip out and I have been endeavoring to demonstrate some self-compassion. Not very successfully, but still, I am trying.

When life gets many bursts of change all at once it can take on a manic appearance, and mania is an old foe of mine. I have had too many encounters with manic episodes to trust myself in its presence. I have a true deep affection for people in general, I love engaging and connection, but even so, I have come to learn over the years that I am not good at being around other manic people. Not for long anyway. I am too easily influenced by the emotions expressed by others, they add onto my own dysfunction. It is unhealthy for me to spend too much time with someone else’s mania, which I have no ability to calm or control.

So, as changes come thick and fast, the faster time seems to pass, not enough time to regroup my thoughts and get a grip, and it’s nearly impossible to slow my thoughts enough to seek God before I act upon them.

I have been hit with a condition that has had me bed ridden for almost 2 weeks. My Iron levels dropped so low that I could barely stand for more than a few seconds. I have had to watch and cope with all the pending changes from a horizontal position. You would think resting in bed for two weeks would encourage time to slow down, but feeling useless only added to the upheaval I have been battling with. Those enemies of friction and fear were not appeased in the slightest. The weight is still building on my shoulders.

So I guess this is my prayer request, in Yeshua’s Name:- That I stop trying to maintain control over things God is obviously trying to change, because they may be the keys to changes I have been asking Him to bring about within me. To have a subconscious level of trust in His plan. To recognise the stirring of mania as an opportunity to faithfully hand all my cares into His capable hands.

Your prayers are greatly appreciated…..

pray fingers


  1. Praying for His perfect peace to overwhelm you as you allow Him to carry every burden. I am praying for your iron levels to return to normal and your energy to be restored. Blessings as you wait. ❤


    • Thank you so much for your wonderful prayer. It means so much. From your lips to His ears! Amen! Blessings to you Sweet Sister!


  2. “That I stop trying to maintain control over things God is obviously trying to change, because they may be the keys to changes I have been asking Him to bring about within me.” —- this is perfect and this is what I will pray for you. Stay strong and keep the faith!


  3. optimisticgladness said,

    Praying that God would do a mighty work in you while you wait. That you would be blessed with revelation and wisdom in how to move forward.


    • Amen! Thank you so much. I definitely need some wisdom and revelation! Thank you for your care. Blessings to you!


  4. This is so out of the blue, but I wish we were friends. lol Your writings make me feel as though I want to get to know you better. lol You’re in my prayers!


    • Thank you SAB! I have felt we have had a special friendship since I very first started blogging. You have encouraged me greatly and really understood all my deepest posts, which I honestly thought no one would understand but me. Lol. Though many miles of water & land separates us, we are united here and I am so grateful for that. Unless the Lord has plans for us to meet before His return I am looking forward to giving you a big hug in person when we meet in the New World xxx


  5. So glad that you stopped by my blog! It can be so hard when we’re stopped in our tracks by illness. I do hope that you’re returning to “normal” and that you stay that way! How good it is to know that we can go to God with every little – and big – thing. How lonely it would be without Him.


    • Thank you so much Gretchen for stopping by my blog, and for your kind wishes. I would hate to imagine having no concept of God. I feel deep sadness for those who are missing out on knowing His goodness and love! Yet I understand how much the enemy has corrupted the worlds perception of Him. It is why I started this blog really, to show His love exists and is not always in the way we may have been led to misinterpret it. Blessings to you!!


  6. songmistress said,

    I relate to your post and agree with you in prayer, praying it for myself as well as for you, to receive grace and strength, to allow God to do what he wants to do, and not fight against it by trying to maintain control. I love how you point out that our fighting against uncomfortable change is counterintuitive to the change we are praying for and so desperately desire. I also love what you said about subconscious trust. I so get that. If I had a penny for every time I’ve prayed, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

    God help us both, sister! He is faithful; I know he will.


    • Yes!! Amen! Thank you so much for your wonderfully encouraging comment. And for stopping by my blog again. Seeing you here cheers me up. Thank you Sister Blessings to you!


  7. Karen said,

    Thank you Lord for our beautiful, courageous Water Bearer. Give her your peace. Stay with her always, renew her strength and let her know you are present. Heal her completely, pull her up and give her reason to dance. Do not let her be discourage. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your lovely prayer Sweet Sister, and for dropping by my blog, it is always a blessing to see your comments. Blessings to you!


      • Karen said,

        May the Lord continue to lift you up and spur you on as you inspire your readers with Christ. Amen


    • As I go back and review old blogs I came across this prayer of yours Sweet Sister. I wanted you to know that I am healed completely! Took a long time but your beautiful prayer was answered in every way. He is always present, never leaves my side! 🙂 Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. […] these few weeks of suffering the condition I mentioned in a recent post, I have been more focused than ever on bringing more of God’s presence into my day-to-day […]


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