Decisions Decisions! ARGH!*
As a parent there are a lot of tough jobs. They come in waves, ganging up on us, after a while a different range of jobs becomes the focus…… or the torment! 😉
Lately the wave of ‘decision making’ has tumbled me over and over, and then pummeled me into the hard sand below.
I only work part-time, so I am there to pick my girls up from school everyday and share as much of their time as I can. I am with them a lot, so of course they ask me the most questions. I am sure most Mum’s can relate.
Young Girl : Can I have Tuckshop today Please??? I haven’t had it for weeks….
Young Girl: Can my friend sleepover? We promise not to be noisy……
Old Girl: Can I go to this party?
Young Girl : Can I ride my bike on the road? I promise to watch out for cars, My sister used to be allowed….
Young Girl : Can I play on the Wii before bed?? I will sleep straight after, I promise……
Old Girl: Can I go for a drive with my friends?
Young Girl : Can I watch this movie?….It’s only got some mild course language. I will not listen to it or think its funny….
Old Girl: Can I stay out past curfew just this once?
Young Girl : Can I save the rest of my dinner for lunch tomorrow? I am not that hungry and it will be so nice for lunch…..
Young and Old Girl : Can you straighten my hair before school?
Young Girl: Can I have $2 for an ice block?
Old Girl: Can you drive me to the shops?
Young Girl: Can I come in to pay for the fuel? (And ask for half the store while I’m in there)
Old Girl: Can I have $50 for a new skirt and shoes?
And on and on it goes…..
OH.. GOD HELP ME!!!
Coming up with reasonable answers when put on the spot is hard enough, but when those answers are challenged with convincing and logical replies, aimed to change my decision, it can, at times, become unbearable.
I think I am a pretty tough Mum, I stick to my guns more often than not. I give my explanations so they understand why I made that decision.
Now I am wondering if those explanations are the flaw in my plan…
As my children are growing, their voice of reasoning and negotiations skills are developing, and I think perhaps I have taught them too well. They know exactly what to say to make me question if my decision is fair, or right, or reasonable. They know how important I take my role as their Mum, and that I want to make as many right decisions as possible.
With my current condition and medication aggravating my mood disorder, over these past few months I have experienced a few old familiar “episodes”, these are my inner enemies. Some episodes are manic, some depressed and anxious, some irritable and reactive. When the enemy of anxiety rises up, making decisions is almost impossible to do with any certainty. Second guessing yourself is a constant companion. Then again, so is third guessing and fourth guessing and so on….
Unfortunately, the questions don’t stop just because I am mid-episode. Young girl doesn’t read the warning signs and demands more from me when I am fragile, and old girl (who was always the most compliant child) has found her challenging teenage voice. After 3 months on the medication that stirs up inner enemies, I was at breaking point!
Family meeting time!
After taking the time to explain my condition in more detail to my family, I asked for some extra grace through this trying time, and for them to ask themselves if their questions are really that important or urgent. I also explained that when you share a house with anyone, whether it is family, friends, strangers, borders etc, a major part of making it a healthy household is being considerate of each other. If you can tell that someone is having a hard time, a bad day or asking for some space, then the polite and respectful thing to do, is do your best to accommodate them. That way they might return the same grace to you when you need it.
I ended our family meeting with a gentle warning:
If you poke and rabid dog with a stick, no matter how much it loves you, it will eventually turn and bite. And if you ask an anxious Mum too many questions at the wrong time, the answer you get may be unfair, unreasonable and wrong. Yet that is the chance you take when you ignore the signs of your poor worn out Mum, who loves you more than words can say, but won’t like you very much if you wake her from her self-prescribed recovery nap to ask if you can finish the rest of the jelly!