05/07/2017

Walking in Trust

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith tagged , , , , , , at 5:34 pm by The Water Bearer

“Argh God why? Why don’t you answer me? Why am I stuck in this situation, you know I believe in you! Why don’t you help me?”

I’m sure I am not the only one who has prayed this prayer more times than I’d like to count. Sometimes our situations just plainly well…. suck!

It can be so easy to focus on our sucky situation, and allow our discomfort to create doubt in us as to whether or not we can actually trust God. Trust Him to care for us, Trust Him to hear us, Trust Him to answer us, Trust Him to be able and willing to change our circumstances.

It can so often seem as if we are constantly waiting for God. However, Simply put, God is usually waiting on us.

Waiting for us to look past the discomfort, past the fear, past the physical evidence, look past our feelings and trust Him anyway.

That’s right, trust Him despite our circumstances, despite our feelings.

Perhaps we can change our prayer to something like ……

“I don’t feel like I can trust you Lord, I don’t feel sure, I feel fear, I feel doubt! But I am going to say I trust you anyway. I trust you, I trust you, I trust you!” …. Then Walk in That Statement!

Far too often we wait for our circumstances to change before we trust God and step out in faith. We wait for things to get easier, we wait for the physical evidence to appear less volatile, less unstable, more comfortable. Then we feel more capable to handle the next few steps, we feel more able to trust.

But aren’t we then just back to trusting ourselves? (Our unstable, fickle human selves!)

What if the difficult circumstances are actually our best opportunity to reach a new, deeper level of trust, of faith and intimacy with God? 

So often in fact that is exactly the case!

Don’t miss it! This your chance to discover a little more just how wonderfully trustworthy our Heavenly Father is!

Once you experience this level of intimacy nothing can shake it, because physical circumstances will come and go, feelings of doubt will grow and fade, but God will remain. He stands firm on His promises.

Go ahead and test the ground for yourself. 

You will never regret stepping out on the promises of God! 

 

18/05/2017

Our Contradictions

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:05 am by The Water Bearer

The human mind amazes me! It actually blows my mind (pun intended) to think about how much goes on in there… well especially mine, but not just mine, everyone’s! Yours too!

Launching a new business, and new ministry, a new purpose in my life has created so many opportunities for growth. New unfamiliar situations to tackle for which I have no default setting, no previous experience with. It is scary but I LOVE IT!

Something that has come to my attention over and over again of late, is this idea of holding two completely opposing beliefs, or two opposing feelings in mind at the exact same time…

Have you ever been heartbroken and yet find yourself laughing? Have you ever felt disappointment, yet with coinciding relief? Ever felt like you absolutely don’t care what anyone thinks, and yet still long to be understood? Completely hate Facebook, while loving it at the same time? Ever felt as if you have things just as you like them, but want to make numerous changes in the same moment? Love the deepest complexities of life and yet crave simplicity? I have.. a lot.

The opposing perspectives I am currently reflecting on, are those times we ponder being “too different”, too far outside the usual guidelines of what others find “normal” or “acceptable” (People pleasers raise your hands with me…. anyone?).

And yet at the exact same time I’ve noticed these thoughts can linger in the same space with the contradiction, “Am I not unique enough?” Are there others out there who have the same stuff to offer that I have!? Same dress sense, same sense of humour, same beliefs, same issues, same strengths, same looks, same talents…(only better), same interests, same taste in men? GaSp*

I once had an experience with my own “Single White Female”… She was a flatmate/friend who gradually tried to become me!! She borrowed my clothes, cosied up to my friends, rushed to greet my daughter when she woke each morning, dressing and feeding her before I had woken up, and she even began sleeping with my ex! Freaky Right! I could barely believe it at the time either.

What that experience taught me is that, no matter how much self-doubt I may have, or how many things I wish I could change about myself, I have never wanted or wished to be anyone other than ME!

No-one else knows what I know, no one else has seen the things I’ve seen, learned what I’ve learned in the way I’ve learned it. There may be things I admire in others, and there may be things I haven’t quite figured out how to grow out of yet, but the idea of being someone else…. No Thank you!

The Good Lord above knew what He was doing when He created me, and He knew what He was doing when He created you! He had reasons for giving us the ability to hold contradictory thoughts at the same time! Keeping the balance somewhat..

What we choose to do with this creation is up to us, and He will always be there to accompany us on the journey and be ready to set in place answers when we ask for His guidance .

Another thing I have realised is that both God and I have the same agenda…. to be together for Eternity! To be fulfilled and loved for Eternity, to have purpose and uniqueness for Eternity!

He wants me to love the creation He made me to be, to value it and protect it, to look after it and nourish it, to cherish all it’s crazy, unique and alternative perspectives and experiences.

He wants you to as well!

Perhaps even at the same time as we are rebuking and disciplining it….. ?

 

12/05/2017

Mindful Love

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Self-Awareness, Teen Trials tagged , , , , , , , at 11:17 am by The Water Bearer

Do you struggle to Believe you are Loveable?

Whispers of shame that bully our thoughts, are as old as Fig leaf skirts….. Nothing New to See Here!

Knowing we fail, knowing we aren’t perfect leaves us feeling….. well……

Ashamed!

We then believe this equation –  “Flaws + Shame = Not Worthy of Love”

LIES! LIES! LIES!

These lies cause us to focus on inconsistencies of love from others, and then to doubt the love from God.

Plus it eats away at our love for ourselves!

This is not just my battle, but yours as well….if you’re really honest.

Why do we battle with shame?

Because our purpose is growth & upward motion towards our Best Self! And every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Shame pushes us down, preventing the growth and potential we were designed for.

We have simply met our opposition…

Because We Are Human

A fun fact of human life is that we all have our Inner Enemies. Lets look at the Inner Enemy of autopilot, and automatic thoughts.

The more time we spend mind-wandering and mind-less, the more permission we give to these automatic thoughts.

Autopilot has a lot to answer for….

But all is not lost, we do have other options!

When we make mistakes, autopilot begins to steer the ship towards shame.

OR

We can steer our thoughts towards repentance and

accept the abundant Grace of God!

When people fail to love us properly, autopilot absorbs their lack of love, turn that lovelessness in our direction, and

we withdraw from love…. all in an attempt at self-protection.

Or

we can side step their lack of love, and move on

focused on God’s love for us!

WILL WE LET AUTOPILOT DECIDE OUR WORTH?

All the evidence in scripture, science and life experience tells us that we are able to rewire our autopilot, to transform our minds, to be set free. Be Reborn!

So, who else will stand with me battling hard against autopilot!

Standing at war with shame!

Silencing the whispers that tell you not to love yourself!

Ignoring the lies that we aren’t worthy of God’s love!

It will be tough, and our autopilot won’t let go of the steering-wheel easily. It has allowed these whispers to dictate our negative self-talk for so many generations…

Yet in the moment we can  Stop, Breathe and Be!

We can Remember the Cross

And Begin to feel that Unwavering Grace-filled Love

Mindfulness meditation slows our autopilot, giving us back some control.

By practicing mindful love we learn to not only be present in the moment, but to turn that moment into our sanctuary where we soak up God’s love, and allow it to trigger bouts of self-compassion.

Instead of allowing autopilot to drive us to seek our worth and approval from others, let’s start accepting it from God!

Practice building that into SELF-LOVE! Seeing yourself as God sees you… WITH LOVE! 

SELF-LOVING DEFEATS SHAME!

Right Now, stop and feel the breath in your lungs, hear the sounds around you, feel the ground beneath you, feel gravity holding you here in this place, try to be so still that you can feel your heartbeat, picture your Saviour’s Love smothering you and now give yourself a loving warm hug from your Saviour and from yourself……

You may automatically feel silly and as if you may not deserve it, but if you don’t try to accept it and appreciate it, the incredible Cross loses its value, and the war that should already be won, fights on.

The trick is that we must take back control, and the more time we spend practicing mindful love the more chance we can actually reprogram our autopilot!

26/04/2017

My Trigger Happy Moments

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Musings, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , at 1:23 pm by The Water Bearer

I could see it happening to me, like being a distant observer of a tornado! You see clearly its destructive nature, you know there is a fall-out coming. You are aware of that voice of warning that calls from some silent place within. It cries with anguish “This is all about to go PEAR SHAPED!”

The beauty of self-awareness is that I now know what is happening to me when I begin to spiral. For those who haven’t experienced the spiralling emotions of mental illness or never felt the triggers that spark them, you may consider yourselves lucky. Yet there is something profound about the places that can be discovered when you learn not to trust yourself completely. When you refuse to give your emotions permission to become excuses for poor behaviour. After so many years developing self-awareness, I now understand that during these moments I am being forced to cling to my faith. I know that I must ride the wave of emotion with acceptance and awareness, and not make any sudden decisions. I must be prepared to repair any damage that is left in the wake of a triggered attack.

This recent episode came with familiar foes, second guessing and self-doubt, with a flood of tears and a self-critical scowl. I found a safe place to unload, my wonderful hubby, who knows how to listen without adding fuel to the fire. He leaves aside comments like “Pull yourself together”  & “Its not that bad” He knows I need validity, that my emotions are very real TO ME in that moment, and that refusing to accept them only makes matters so much worse!

Sure enough in the aftermath, I needed to debrief, and I soon came to recognise that it wasn’t quite as bad as all that. I found clarity in the long honest conversation that came afterwards, and then I received that wonderful, insightful epiphany, that nugget of understanding which made it all make sense. This spiralling episode taught me to understand yet another trigger of mine. Another inner enemy to be watchful of, I learned how to articulate something about myself which I could not give voice to before. This nugget of understanding also revealed an answer to a situation that I had been praying about, something that had been bothering me for a couple of years!

I’ve mentioned before that I despise deception! It is my biggest fear! But who else recognises the trigger of not knowing where you stand with others? A history of reactive guilt trips and emotional instability leaves us with a need for constant feedback, seeking for any thread of warning, any scrap of insight into the future mood of another person. That way you can be prepared for the attack, and place up that protective wall before the shock of rejection takes your feet from under you. And isn’t it funny that it always seems to come from those who are overly nice to your face! Full of gushing compliments and open armed invitations.

Here at Inner Angels & Enemies we recognise the tricks the enemy plays inside us, and inside others. When we have faith and self-awareness, we can use these revealing moments of insight to remind us of the weapons available to us, and once we know a little more about the battle, we can prepare our armour accordingly!

YEEEEEW!  God is so Good!!

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)


 

15/04/2017

Shared from WordPress

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:01 am by The Water Bearer

A Poem of Easter’s Truth – http://wp.me/p2kX7W-Ul

07/03/2017

Are you Stuck at the Doorway?

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Musings, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:51 am by The Water Bearer

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One of the most frustrating forms of attack that we’ve all seen far too often, is when our Inner Enemies use our thoughts to keep us stuck at the doorway of our potential.

When life gets tough it is giving us a nudge to want to leave our situation. Some of us even head for the door, towards a change, towards healing, towards growth. Yet that pivotal step across the threshold gets harder and harder the longer we have been stuck there.

The lack of comfort in our current circumstances becomes at least a discomfort that we know, we are familiar with its curves and edges. Sometimes we can even see around its corners and prepare ourselves for any foreseeable issues that lie in wait. But that vital step across the threshold, through the doorway into change, has nothing familiar to it, nothing to smooth out the knots of the unknown that cripple us from within.

We then become victims trapped by our own choice, and those choices are governed by our thoughts and our fear. Fear that reminds us of previous pains, and regrets, which we are now avidly on the look out for, in order to avoid repetition.

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Statistics show that there are 3 common traits found in those who experience successful steps across that threshold… Steps towards recovery and wellness. Recovery from addiction, from injury, from illness both physical and psychological, from trauma and tragedy. These traits are grounded in Faith.

Trait 1 – A DESIRE to be WELL.

As previously noted, once we have become so used to our struggle, our inner enemies convince us to choose it, rather than the effort needed to pursue wellness. Our desire shifts in favour of the sympathy generated by our sad stories. We have all met that person who, no matter how many different pieces of good advice you give, to help them out of their troubles, they have talked themselves out of each suggestion before even considering it. This particular inner enemy enjoys any attention it receives, the pity, and the seductive quality of unloading emotional baggage onto anyone who will give an ear. It is a trap that so many of us fall prey to and we owe it to ourselves and also our loved ones to ask ourselves ‘whether or not we actually desire to be well? And are we willing to go make the changes needed to get it?’. We must accept that suffering is supposed to prompt that urge to head for the doorway of change. By faith we understand this process, we recognise that suffering is par for the course and was even experienced by our own Precious Saviour. Faith gives us the desire to trust this divine process.

Trait 2 – DETERMINATION to get WELL

Faith gives us access to Godly ammunition, and the weapons of Heaven. We must remember that every time we are faced with a choice that takes us to the doorway, we come under attack of fear. We fear the choice required to take that leap into the unknown, we fear the outcome. This is the intention of our inner enemies to keep us from stepping out in Trust. However when we apply and rely upon those weapons of Heaven that are available to us through God’s Word, our determination becomes empowered. We recognise the war, and refuse to allow these enemies to win out. For those unable to accept this war, they forever remain caught in that place of defeat, and a defeatist attitude is toxic to growth and blessings. God has promised to give us His tenacity, when we lean on Him and His strength, and not on ourselves.

Trait 3 – EXPECTATION to be WELL

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for; and the evidence of things unseen” Hebrews 11:1. As we make each step towards each new doorway, it is vital that we recognise where our focus is placed. If we keep our focus on the past and our disappointments, on our regrets and our shame, on our pain and betrayals, then we begin to lose sight of the abundant blessings God has promised us. Our inner enemies know that if we stay stressed, distracted and disconnected, we will never engage in the fight against them. We will expect defeat and there they have us trapped. Yet when we meditate on the Promises in God’s Word to bless us, to help us and to give us peace, our expectations change and we become hopeful, encouraged to put on our Godly armour and keep stepping towards the door to wellness, and eventually through it!

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The doorway is waiting, we are well aware that it is there. Will we choose the easier option and wallow in our despair? Will we avoid that threshold into potential? Or will we make a decision today to see the war clearly, to accept the journey towards wellness and to put all our expectations on God? To give Him the power to turn our Tests into Testimonies! And our Trials into Triumphs!

28/02/2017

When Love Sucks

Posted in Encouragement, Family, Musings, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , at 12:32 pm by The Water Bearer

love-sucks

Don’t you hate it when love sucks!?!

When I was a tween I was an awkward, lanky-legged chatterbox, who began to notice boys not long after my parents separated. I was far too nervous to actually have one but I fantasied about having a boyfriend. I longed for someone to smother me in affection and attention.

Yet boys in real life didn’t really notice me.

I guess you could say my imagination got the better of me, for when reality proved the lack of attention I was getting, I would retreat to my bedroom, heartbroken; and write countless poems of devastation and unrequited love.

I believed love should be what I had seen in the movies, and yet never witnessed in real life. It appeared to be something you received, something that filled all the empty places within. To me love in real life seemed desperate and hungry, never satisfied.

As I got older, my figure began to change and I realised that I was getting noticed more and more. I felt for sure that one of these boys was going to be the one to meet all the dreams and security that I craved. Yet time after time I was disappointed. The affection never lasted long and only really had one intention. The attention was never reliable, it fluctuated and dulled over time. Security was a joke, I trusted no one. Those love poems I had written as a young girl became reality over and over again.

“Love can make your heart sore and bloom! And then it ends, over, Kaboom! Left here lying in a puddle of tears, all alone with only my fears!”

I wish I could go back in time and explain to my younger self that everything I thought I knew about love was poisonous and untruthful. That you don’t seek out love simply to receive it, if you do you only create a vacuum. A hollow void that consumes everything in sight and leaves nothing left. I would tell myself that my hunger for love could never be filled by another human being. It could only be filled by God and loving myself, and I must learn how. I had to get to know myself truly, deeply, no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive. To expose the places of loss, hurt and fear that had created that vacuum inside me. To allow forgiveness to flood all my imperfections and my regrets.

Through the journey of true self-discovery, I found truth in the pages of God’s Word. I gave those inspired words permission to reveal my true heart, and I soaked up every promise of mercy, of protection and affection, from my Heavenly Father that I possibly could. That emptiness inside me, not only filled but began overflowing!

That is when you can truly experience LOVE! Love from, and for God, and His Precious Son, but also love for one another. Because when your heart longs to GIVE LOVE, you can’t help but feel it’s warm joy and fulfilment.

The snare that so many of us fall for, as we navigate this life of broken promises and vacuum hearts, is believing that we must satisfy ourselves at any expense. That we must seek out our own desires and expect others to fulfil them. It is a desire completely focused on self-gaining, self-serving, and self-seeking. Me, Me, Me, I, I, I.

“Love does not seek its own reward.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Accept the abundant love from God Most High, allow it to reveal and heal your broken, vacuum heart. Then go out into your life with the intention to GIVE AS MUCH LOVE AS YOU CAN! Keep on giving, no matter how much is sucked up by others, give more! For Our Father God, who gives love through us, will never run dry. His love endures forever and ever!

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13/02/2017

The Lying Curse

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , at 7:24 am by The Water Bearer

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It was so incredibly shocking to me when I first realised just how self-deceived I was. The emotional curse I inherited is not just common in me or my family, but within many people and families spread across the globe…. The lying curse. There is something sinister whispering lies to us, using our own voice, our own logic, our own feelings. Hiding deception within the very layers of our understanding of honesty!

The lying curse has been around as long as the human race. It began in the Garden of Paradise when Eve first believed the lie that our Heavenly Father could not be trusted. Her heart knew God was faithful, but her own voice said “How can I know for sure?” Her heart knew she was blessed in paradise with her Man and her Creator as companions, but her logic said “What if there is more that I am missing?”, and her heart knew she should not listen to the lies, but her emotions said “You deserve more!”

When emotions are so powerful, when desires are uncontrollable, our awareness of the lies we tell ourselves becomes woven into the opaque structures of our fallen humanity. YES WE BELIEVE OUR OWN LIES!

We become increasingly focused on our own self-preservation at the expense of others!

ignorance_is_bliss_wall_decal_singleThe saddest, scariest part about our humanity is that even when we are staring these lies right in the face, our automatic programming to self-defend clouds our willingness to see.   No matter how long I have been aware of this curse, no matter how long I have written this blog or tried to share it’s truths, I am unable to reveal awareness of this curse to others.

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still” – Benjamin Franklin

You see the only reason I know of this curse and all its toxicity, is because I wanted to know. Before then no one could have convinced me that I was lying to myself, I would have been stubborn and indignant in my own logic that their accusations were unfounded. I would have been offended and defensive.

However something shifted in my heart in my 20’s, something that shattered the false sense of innocence I had been seeing in the mirror up until then. I SAW MYSELF and I was HORRIFIED! I determined myself to do anything to break this curse, and so I began a long intensive journey of self-discovery, using God’s word as my new mirror. I was adamant that I would no longer believe another lie…. Ha who was I kidding! Once I began to pick away at the surface of lies I realised the true depth of them. In that awareness I am levelled at the foot of the cross, in a place where I am dependant on Grace more than BREATH!

It takes a very specific kind of experience to shock us into this kind of awareness, and the circumstances are different for each of us. It requires a place where our heart becomes exposed, where we see our life in the truth of its dysfunction, and how far removed it is from the purpose and blessed life God intended us to have. When we truly believe the promises in the Word, and that God wants ONLY GOOD for us. That He wants to lavish us in blessings! And finally we recognise that the role we have played is not as innocent as we have always believed.

That place becomes a dying experience of sorts, where we have come to the very end of our own strength, to the end of our self-reliance, to the end of our excuses, and ultimately the end of faith in ourselves and our abilities. When we say “I can’t keep living like this anymore. I am sick of the same toxic patterns repeating themselves over and over again! I can not take another step in this same direction!” Not just “something must change’, but rather “everything must change, especially ME! and I have no idea where to start!”

This concept of reaching the end of yourself I have written on before here, which explains the tipping point between self-reliance & self-deception, and COMPLETE SURRENDER!

Surrendering to truth and surrendering to the Almighty is where your true self can begin! It is the sharp turn around a blind corner, with no foresight to cushion the fear, and yet you make that turn because you have tried every other turn and didn’t like where it led. All of a sudden humility becomes an honour, and will-power becomes a farce. That is where miraculous transformations occur!

Everything in the world will try to prevent that turn, and everything inside us will deny it’s necessity, but we deserve to see the truth, for the TRUTH WILL SET US FREE!

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06/02/2017

It All Makes Sense Now!

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith, Self-Awareness tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 11:19 am by The Water Bearer

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So many are completely unaware of the battle Inner Angels and Enemies has been trying to expose over the past 5 years. We ignore the hidden stresses and insecurities that poison us from underneath a helmet of mindlessness. Our busy minds are bombarded by excess, alarmism and dysfunction, and most of us are just trying to cope, just barely holding it all together.

Often those who claim serenity, who claim to have a handle on stress, have actually withdrawn from life in some way. Refraining from deep relationships, avoiding every potential for suffering, disconnecting from the masses. Some have removed themselves from society, or simply live in a state of ignorance. And while I agree that we all need a break from time to time, I do not believe God intended us to live in a permanent state of disconnectedness, only to interact in short and occasional bursts, and then retreat away again. The scriptures say to be not of this world, but that does not mean we are to disconnect from it. We are given the powers of heaven to OVERCOME the dysfunctional patterns of the world. To still be able to interact and impact our communities positively, and have deep meaningful relationships. To not be governed by indulgence and addiction as the world encourages, but to defeat emotions grounded in selfishness, bitterness, fear, and pride…

Deuteronomy 14:2 “You have been set apart as holy to the LORD your God, and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth to be his own special treasure.”  Those words ‘set apart‘ is translated from the Hebrew word Qadowsh, which actually means Holy and Sacred. This infers, not that we are separated in physicality or proximity, or even emotionally, but rather in morality!

In order to gain back some awareness of our thoughts and behaviours, psychologist have been using meditation and mindfulness to help manage some of the dysfunctional conditions which are becoming epidemic in our society. Conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, panic attacks, mood disorders, addiction and more. Using techniques which decrease stress, slow the brainwaves and increase awareness, we are actually able to rewire our brains and alter these dysfunctional patterns we have adopted. This is wonderful news for those who are in the pursuit of wellness because it means we have access to healing without spending a fortune on pills and potions.

For those who are also in pursuit of faith as they strive toward wellness, the scriptures hold vital keys. These patterns of dysfunctional behaviours, become locked into our subconscious, and are identified as the ‘Sins of the flesh’  according to the Word of God. Mindlessness prevents us from recognising how deep we have gone. Therefore Self-Awareness is vital to recognise areas of our subconscious that require alteration, which you can read more about in this post. While meditating on the scriptures and absorbing the character of Christ, we can alter subconscious patterns to align with His perfect example. Replacing, selfish and unrighteous patterns with patience, gentleness, kindness, selflessness and LOVE.16179531_10208876869061159_6338859408483906915_o

This concept is the foundation for a calling God has placed on my heart, as mentioned in this previous post. Leading me to design a program that unites Self-awareness with Scripture Meditation. I can hardly wrap my head around the abundance of evidence God has guided me towards to support this program. It is founded in Science, Scripture and life Experience.

After so many years battling with all manner of dysfunction, mental illness, injury, and sickness I NOW UNDERSTAND WHAT GOD WAS DOING! He was using those situations to bring me to this place, a place where I can show others how to develop wellness and faith, and how to rewire their bodies and minds. It is a place where I can use my testimony to expose the enemy and to restore the reputation of the stunning and incredible Character of God!

God used my experiences to lead me to become the founder of a unique concept called Sanctuary Stretch.

I am amazed to tell you that while I was once unemployable, and even suicidal, I am now a certified Pilates Instructor and Meditation & Mindfulness Teacher, and have combined those two techniques with the Word of God to decrease stress, restore physical vitality and bring every thought into the captivity of Christ! You can read all about it on the Sanctuary Stretch Facebook Page or website. For those in the Sunshine State…South East Corner…Australia… I look forward to seeing you for your first FREE CLASS!

Don’t you deserve some time out to distress and rejuvenate mind, body and faith under the loving gaze of your Loving Heavenly Father? Of course you do.. WE ALL DO!

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02/02/2017

From Panic to Purpose!

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Faith tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:52 pm by The Water Bearer

 

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Inner Angels and Enemies turns 5 in two short months! 5 Years! Wow, that is mind blowing!

As I look back over some old posts I realise just how far I have come, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement during those scary and dark years. You, my readers, have witnessed as I battled with enemies of panic and self-condemnation, held back from living life to the fullest, as I worked through every one of those toxic thoughts and behaviours, with a faithful God as my constant source of strength and refuge. I always wrote under the pseudonym ‘The Water Bearer’, because my anxiety made me feel far too vulnerable as I shared such private thoughts and intense struggles.

In my attempts to recover from my injuries from my car accident, and the psychological fall out from my nervous breakdown, God led me diligently through therapy and I began doing Pilates and Meditation exercises. After so many years trapped in dysfunctional subconscious patterns, I began to see some light at the end of the tunnel, but the panic attacks still remained. In this post I explained how a trip to Africa and a calling to jump off a bridge changed me and ended my panic attacks. Now don’t get me wrong I still get anxiety, it just no longer cripples me, or lasts very long. The theory God was guiding me to understand was that through it all He had hold of me, that I was safe, that I could face all fear head on, He was trustworthy to never let me go and would use my struggles to lead me towards my purpose. I just needed to believe and follow His guidance!

So I did as I was told….. You can watch my bridge jump here….

 

 

Since that amazing trip, now that fear no longer holds me back, I have had so many new and amazing experiences. I began playing keyboard and singing and wrote a few of my own songs and teamed up with friends to perform them. Through a happy turn of events I developed a friendship with my favourite singer/songwriter, who introduced me to a wonderful faith-based community church where I feel inspired and cherished. And just recently, God placed a calling on my life that has lead to the most incredible fulfilment and purpose!

Well now the tides have turned on this Water Bearer and I am stepping out in faith again, in order to use this blog to support my next endeavour, which I will give the details of in my next post. So watch this space! I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge how amazing and faithful Our Saviour is, to have led me through the deepest of valleys and brought me to a place where I sing His praises, not just in the storms, but also in the beautiful dazzling light of His Glory!

Blessings to you all!

– Claire Marie B

 

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